The peer pressure on the adolescent virgins is hard to bear, but it’s even harder for the women in their 20s and 30s who haven’t had sex yet. If it’s not a conscious choice, they often feel too embarrassed to talk about it. Nowadays, virginity at that age is considered strange—or worse, abnormal—and it really shouldn’t be. What gives?
- The average American woman loses her virginity at 17.The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reports that virgins make up 7.3% of the females aged 25-39. And if you are in your 40’s and haven’t had vaginal intercourse yet, then you belong to a small 0.3% of the population. If you missed the chance to lose your V-card by your early 20’s, statistically, you are a minority. But not a freak of nature, and certainly not an extinct species!
- Many women who are virgin in their 30’s can’t give a specific reason for that. It could be anything from always falling for people who are unavailable to battling social anxiety due to the physical appearance. These women haven’t necessarily abstained from sex for religious or moral grounds, either. It’s simply how things in life shook out for them.
- In our Western civilization history, virginity has been a treasured virtue. In the early 1920’s, however, women started leaving their homes to take jobs, which rapidly led to a shift in their social status. With the introduction of the Pillin 1960, not only did the sexual life of women change drastically, but also the cultural norms. The “summer of love” of 1967 brought along even more liberties for women. It was already expected that they’d start having sex in their teens or early 20’s. Unfortunately, this expectation is still pretty much valid.
- Why don’t you just get over and done with it?Actually, it’s not as simple as it sounds. We have already shaken off the retrograde belief that if a woman’s not married by the time she’s 25, she is a failure. And yes, waiting until marriage is not an imperative, either. But to many, waiting for the right one kinda is. When, however, the right one never shows up, the waiting grows into a habit. With the years passing by, virginity becomes something some women start fearing losing, and every time they are on the verge of doing it, they freak out.
- Sex has turned into a must-have commodity. Pretty much like a car, or a fridge. So, when you’re 35 and you drop the bomb by saying you are still a virgin, it is as if a pink elephant has just entered the room. Although norms of social conduct prevent us from offering an unwanted commentary, you can easily guess what people are really thinking, “She hasn’t had sex yet? What is wrong with her?!” Well, probably there is nothing wrong with you. For one, you may just be one of those girls who hate to worry about such things like bikini waxes or staying skinny for their partner…
- Modern representatives of 30+ virgins follow the same narrative.They keep their virginity a secret for fear of being scorned, or for being turned down by their love interest. They imagine that a potential partner would tell them: “When girls bleed for the first time they get more attached!” And dating history teaches us that many guys hate it when girls are too clingy or too demanding.
- People would rather have sexually experienced partners?Some 50 years ago, virginity was considered a precious wedding gift to the husband. Nowadays, women tend to generously give this gift freely to as many people as may ask for it. The reason behind sexual frivolity is again to be sought in social stereotypes. Movies like The 40-Year-Old Virgin are an example of why Western society is laughing at virgins. It’s actually the lack of sexual experience that is made a mockery of, and this leads to the stereotypical belief that virgins are boring in bed.
- What do men REALLY think?Many women are indeed afraid of the way a guy would react to the idea of sleeping with a 30-something-year-old virgin. Men, however, seem to be much more nonchalant about these matters than you might think. When asked if they’d rather have a brand new car or one with 120,000 miles on it, what do you think they’d answer? Exactly! All in all, it’s not men who shame women for having no sexual experience. It’s other women!
- Women are damned if they do it too soon or with too many partners. But they are also damned if they don’t do it at all only because they wait for the right person. It’s high time for the society to catch up and be more supportive of this social group.
- What is the whole fuss all about anyway?Women should be able to live their lives and take decisions on their own terms. If you are still a virgin in your 30’s and 40’s, but see no point in changing this situation, you shouldn’t feel or let other people make you feel as a unicorn. After all, you are just one person on a overpopulated planet, and world economy won’t collapse if you are not having sex. If, however, you crave sexual intimacy, then again – it’s not a big deal. Just make it your goal and… join the club.
